


You Know I Love You So

by WhenIFindLoveAgain



Category: Harry Potter (Maruders)
Genre: M/M, this is goanna be gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-12-09 02:36:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11659851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhenIFindLoveAgain/pseuds/WhenIFindLoveAgain
Summary: A oneshot with fluff and angst





	You Know I Love You So

**Author's Note:**

> A oneshot with fluff and angst

Sirius sighed as his stomach growled again. He had been locked in the domritry, alone, since the whole ordeal with his cousin Bellatrix almost 24 hours ago, and hadn’t eaten since. He gave the ceiling one more withering glare, before slowly sitting up. The stone floor was pleasantly cool beneath Sirius’s bare feet as he stood up, a yawn splitting his face. He examined himself in the mirror on the opposite side of the bedroom. He looked crumpled and sad, and just… tired. He tried to pat down his untidy, midnight-black hair, to no avail. When he was tired, his pupils seemed to swallow the inky-black irises. He tore his eyes away from his reflection and silently pulled open the door, hoping to sneak down to the kitchen, and hoping even more still that the elves wouldn't say of his presence if he suceeded. 

Sirius’s eyebrows shot up as a body slumped onto the red woven rug on his floor with a thump. The boy laying on his floor was none other than Remus "Moony" Lupin, Sirius’s good friend of nearly seven years. He looked about as tired as Sirius felt. Sirius stood there for a moment expectantly, awaiting some comment or self-made quote of sensibility to come spouting from Remus’s mouth. When Remus’s eyes stayed closed and the peaceful, dreamy expression remained, Sirius took the moment to examine Remus. He was still wearing his black robes which had carefully stich-mended seams on one part, and little darns along the hemline. Guilt sizzled its way through Sirius’s veins as he realized that Matthew must’ve fallen asleep waiting for him to be allowed to emerge from the dormitries, where he had been put in some sort of arrest almost, until the school council decided what to do with him. That was just the kind of friend and person that Remus was, though. 

When was Sirius going to realize that and stop being so selfish?  
Sirius knelt by Remus and put a hand on his shoulder to coax him to consciousness. His dark-blonde hair was messy, but it was the kind of messy that looked deliberate. It was attractively messy , Sirius thought to himself. Realizing what he had just thought, horror spread through him like wildfire, and his thoughts got worse and worse till he just couldn’t stop . He rubbed his temples, a shaky breath escaping through parted lips. A small moan came from the boy below him, and Sirius focused on Remus, trying desperately to clear his brain of all of the unholy thoughts that had wormed their way inside with that noise that had just escaped Remus’s lips. 

It was impossible.

“Sirius?” Long, blonde lashes quivered as Remus blearily opened his eyes to the world, to Sirius. A short burst of heat came from Remus’s heart, as it always did when he looked into Sirius’s ebonic eyes.

“S’ me,” Sirius murmured softly, barely loud enough for Remus to understand. What Remus did understand was the warmth reflected in Sirius’s eyes and the slight upwards curve of his love’s lips, that Sirius couldn’t stop. Just the sound of his Remus's voice made Sirius’s heart fill up with warmth. 

"James and Peter are okay. But they've been suspended until the problem that is you is figured out." Remus said, and Sirius's jaw clenched. 

“Thought you died in here,” Remus’s eyes, which were chips of emeralds, flicked to the side. Sirius sighed and leaned back on his haunches, eyes raising from Remus’s sardonic expression to fixate on the wall, as if it could offer him some condolence. The sigh, Remus knew, was not only one of exasperation, but one of relief and happiness. It was one of welcome, of amusement and an underlying joy to be near Remus. Remus had learned to read every one of Sirius’s sighs, every angle of an arched eyebrow and every slight curve of a mouth or density of a dimple. Every shrugged shoulder or creased forehead was completely unique, and Remus found himself lost in a sea of adoration for Sirius. He propped himself up on an elbow with a small yawn.

“Shut up, Mooney,” Sirius responded playfully, pushing his shoulder so that Remus flopped effortlessly back to the ground. Remus gave a little tender smile at the nickname that the Marauders had given him.

“There was was a man in a bog, with a pretty little sun and a white little dog,” Sirius said, quoting a poem that Remus had once made up, to cheer him up through the dark side of the morning when Sirius had had too much to drink, and the sun wouldn't let him sleep. Remus sighed, and it seemed that to do so nearly killed him.The room fell silent, as the unspoken words rose to the tips of their tongues.

“I…” Sirius knew he should apologize or say something but he found that words were failing him. In his peripheral vision he could see Remus’s kind face turned towards him, but Sirius knew that if he looked Remus in the eyes again, he’d see the intense love that he tried so hard to conceal from his friends and school and the rest of the world that knew his name.

“Sirius,” Remus sat up abruptly, Sirius’s lost expression shaking him out of his stupor. Now their faces were centimeters apart, and Sirius was sure that Remus could hear the pounding of his heart beneath Sirius's shirt, emblazed with teh Gryffindor emblem, a promise of dark red and gold. “Tell me what’s wrong.”  
Sirius uncertainly looked at Remus’s cheekbone, unable to meet his quick-silver eyes. Thoughts whirred through his brain, ideas for lies and coverups popping up.

“I… I can’t,” Sirius’s heart was going so fast he thought that it was going to punch its way from his ribcage. He leaned back, feeling the weight of Remus’s concerned stare.

“What?” The wounded look on Remus’s face made Sirius’s beating heart burn around the edges. “I’t's me, Sirius, you can tell me anything.” A frown creased Remus’s tanned face. He reached to put a hand on Sirius’s shoulder, but Sirius flinched away from the near touch like he had been burned.

“Wait!” Sirius gasped as steeliness and immeasurable pain flooded Remus’s expression and he scrambled to his feet, away from Sirius. “I didn’t mean…” 

“Well then, what did you mean? Please tell me, because I’m so confused. Bellatrix nearly killed you, and we nearly died for you, and yet you won't speak to us, or let us in -” Remus’s silver eyes bored into Sirius, and they burned with fire at the edges, and Sirius felt his world tearing apart as Remus distanced himself even further from him. Sirius rose quickly, but kept his distance. He didn’t know if he would be able to do this if he were close enough to see the flecks of blue in his friend’s eyes, or smell the old book scent that always seemed to be hanging around Remus. Now they were level, Remus’s growth spurt making him as tall as Sirius.

“Just… stop,” Sirius’s voice cracked a little, and he took a deep breath before continuing. “Yesterday… when you took that curse for me.” Sirius began, his voice growing stronger with each syllable. Remus had relaxed a little, and they unconsciously neared each other. Remus’s eyes darted around Sirius’s face, a well-practiced manoveur that he had been doing for years, trying to meet Sirius's eyes. “It made me realize how much I care about you.”

“Of course, Jamie. I care about you,” Remus said, eyebrows creasing. “For nearly two years, every single month you come out with me when I transform every month. You make it easier, and you have no idea how human I feel because of you,” Sirius’s heartbeat echoed in his ear at Remus's words.

“No, you don’t understand. If you die… I know I’d die too,” Sirius cleared his throat, and willed the adrenaline to speed up. “I’m… in love with you.”  
As soon as the words were out, Sirius wished that he could push them back inside, so deep down that his love for Remus would seem like a myth. Remus’s eyes widened in shock, for they were the last words he would have ever dreamed of passing through his Sirius’s lips. His hands shot up to either side of Sirius’s pale face, forcing Sirius’s eyes to meet his. They were dry and full of fear, and Remus couldn’t help what happened next. Remus surged forward, his lips pressing against Sirius’s. An overwhelming happiness lit up both of their hearts. Behind closed eyelids, sparks were exploding. Sirius was frozen for a second, but the kiss felt so powerful and right that he couldn’t help but kiss back fiercely. Remus had one of his long-fingered hands splayed across Sirius’s back, pulling him closer. Each finger felt like a hot iron to Sirius, setting his body ablaze. Although inexperienced when it came to men (lacking the soft delicacy and hesitestness which is the feminine kiss) Sirius kissed back with enough love to make Remus’s head spin. Remus’s fingers outlined the shape of Sirius’s cheekbones and jaw, committing them to memory. Sirius entwined his fingers in Remus’s lustrous hair, the strands slipping through his thin fingers like silk. The feeling of finally getting to kiss Remus was better than Sirius could ever describe, like heaven.

Sirius let himself be kissed for a moment longer, but he decided that he’d had enough, and wrapped his leg around Remus’s. Their crotches pressed together briefly, and Remus groaned into the kiss. Sirius suppressed an evil laugh as he jerked his leg back, causing Remus to lose his balance and fall backwards. Sirius caught his head from hitting the floor, but Remus still gave a quiet moan. He would never admit it, but the pain was just another turn on. Sirius straddled Remus’s waist before he could move, catching his wrists and pinning them against the red rug. Remus’s train of thought went off the tracks as he became increasingly turned on. The sight of his friend sitting on him, the warm weight on his crotch, it was all too much. The thought that Sirius could do anything he wanted with his body pushed him over the edge. A wanton whine came from Remus, and his hips pressed up into Sirius's. Sirius continued to gaze down upon Remus, his eyes hooded. Sirius’s ebonic irises were almost completely devoured by his dilated pupils. Finally, he gave into his lover’s pleads.  
Resting his weight on his elbows, Sirius kissed Remus. It was a hot, slow kiss, with Sirius calling the shots. Sirius’s heart sang as his mouth moved in harmony with Remus’s, warm and soft and incredibly compliant beneath his. Finally, they had to pull away because both of their faces had gone red with oxygen deprivation.

“I love you so much,” Remus whispered once Sirius had caught his breath. Those five words knocked the breath right back out of Sirius, and he found himself unable to stop a gleeful smile from coming over his features. He met Remus’s dazzling eyes once more before kissing Remus’s lips again in a slow, breathtaking kiss. Sirius broke off with a hum and ghosted over the curves of Remus’s throat, while simultaneously grinding down onto Remus. The combined actions caused Remus’s head to fall back with a muffled thump. Sirius dived down onto the exposed skin, pale and smooth and perfect. He started at the point right between his parabatai’s collarbones, his lips ghosting over the faint white lines of old scars; kissing his way along the right one, before detouring up his neck to the space under his ear. Sirius sucked a little bruise there before taking Remus’s earlobe between his teeth.

“Sirius!” Remus gasped. His head, which had been tilted up to look at Sirius, fell back to the rug. Sirius lost his concentration due to hearing his name said in such a beautiful way, and Remus took the opportunity to wrench his hands free. Remus’s arms made their way around Sirius’s neck, his fingers diving greedily into the unruly black hair he loved so much. Of course, as friends and begrudging partner in whatever scheme he and Peter were inducted into by James and Sirius, Matthew had ruffled James’s hair once, but he had never touched Sirius, his whole body, on his own terms. He was always pulled into a one arm hug, or unceremioniously picked up and swung around onto a broomstick, where he would hold onto wither Sirius or James, not out of love, but the pure terror of falling 50 meters to his death. With his foot, Remus kicked the door all the way shut, but it didnt really matter, as the only person in the Gryffindor tower was Sirius, having been locked in there with no hope of escape after nearly destroying the Great Hall with Bellatrix by Dumbledore, as Bellatrix, come hell fo hgih water was still on her mission: Kill Sirius Black. Remus had only gotten into the tower because he had begged with Dumbledore to make sure Sirius was ok, to watch over him, as Peter and James couldn't, still unconcious in the Hospital Wing. Sirius continued, sucking a few more hickies before sitting back up.

“What d’you want?” Sirius questioned. He knew what Remus wanted, for he could feel the bulge in Remus’s pants. He imagined it must’ve been a little painful.

“Don't you dare do this to me,” Remus breathed a laugh, closing his eyes briefly. “You barstard. After all this time, don't you fucking dare..."

He smirked playfully and grabbed the hem of Remus’s shirt and pulled it over his head and off of his arms. Remus’s hair got tousled in the process, and Sirius almost giggled. He almost never saw Remus with his hair looking so disheveled, and when it was it was usually something to do with Quidditch. Soon though, the expanse of Remus’s hairless chest, instead ripped with scars, most white from years ago, but eight new ones from the previous month, still healing, had him distracted. His hands crossed gently over them, his lips parting at them. After the full moon, even though been in his animagi form was exactly the same mentally as a human, when he transformed back, it was always a shock for him, to see a human so torn apart. He ran his hands lightly over Remus’s hips and up his sides, feeling the smoothness and firmness of his muscle, that was almost relieving - that there was something beneath there protecting that boy who in a manner had always been too thin, but all the same he was beautiful. A shiver ran up Remus’s skin and goosebumps formed quickly. He slipped a hand under Sirius’s shirt, tugging lightly at it. Sirius took the hint and pulled his shirt off, tossing it to the side. Remus’s lips parted as he admired Sirius’s lean torso, reminiscing on the times when he had accidentally walked in on Sirius in the showers in the changing rooms at the Quidditch pitch, or one time he had came up looking for Sirius, and instead he was pinned to the wall by Lucius Malfoy, his tie non-existent, his shirt and the shirt falling down to reveal Sirius's muscled shoulders and a broad chest that narrowed down at the torso. Meanwhile, Sirius was busying himself with Remus’s chest, calloused fingers exploring every square inch. His tongue swept the outlines of faded scars on his pecs, and he ground down on Remus. Remus just held on tight to Sirius’s thighs, murmuring curses and Sirius’s name continuously.

Sirius slid farther down Remus’s legs so he could have access to to other areas. Remus propped himself up on his elbows to see Sirius gazing up at him, his mouth dangerously close to Remus’s arousal. His onyx eyes were alight with mischief, tongue running along his upper lip. Remus’s head tipped back and his eyes fell shut, silently praying. Sirius cupped Remus though the fabric, thumb running up and down his length.

“Oh Jesus fucking Christ…” Remus exclaimed. Sirius unzipped his own leather combat pants, and shuffled around to pull them off. His own erection had leaked precum, making an unfortunate stain. Remus took the pause in action to collect himself, chest rising and falling quickly. Sirius hovered back over his friend, and unzipped his pants, hands cupping Remus’s arse as he reached behind to pull down his pants. Remus huffed a knowing laugh as he angled his back so that Sirius could get them off easier. All that was left were Remus’s black underwear and purple socks. Sirius tugged at them, a bubbly laugh coming from his stomach that warmed the deepest parts of Remus’s heart. He gave Sirius an impish grin, but it was quickly dissipated as Sirius swooped over Remus, taking his arousal in his mouth.

“Oh, oh… God...yes,” Remus’s breathing was coming with difficulty as Sirius hollowed out his cheeks and took almost all of Remus’s length in his mouth. Remus squeezed his eyes shut, focusing on the amazing velvety sensation of being inside Remus’s mouth. His hands felt for a hold, and they found the edge of the rug. His knuckles soon went white as he tried to hold on, strings of profanity escaping his pink, parted lips. “Sirius, God, oh…”

Sirius pulled off with a pop, his fist still pumping Remus, thumb occasionally meandering over his slit, which was leaking precum. Remus himself was shuddering with pleasure, cheeks red and a bead of blood on his lower lip from where his teeth had split it open. As Sirius continued his ministrations, he snuck a hand inside his own underwear, stroking his hardness in time with Remus’s. His spine straightened as he felt himself nearing the edge of orgasm, so he stopped and returned to Matthew, who was breathing heavily and ogling Sirius.

“So fucking pretty, you know that?” Sirius’s voice was hoarse and low, and Remus groaned, stiffening as Sirius licked up the backside of his length, before suckling on the head. Remuscried out, his hand flying to Sirius’s hair. Sirius hummed, tongue swirling.

“Oh, Jesus… Sirius, kiss me, kiss me,” Remus uttered feverishly. Sirius did just that, their swollen lips moving together hotly. Sirius propped himself up with a forearm, still stroking Remus between them. He groaned as he felt Remus’s hand wrapping around his own length. Remus’s face was one of pure bliss, as he broke away from the kiss, head lowering to the ground, then back up to look down at Sirius’s hand working over him, and falling back, mouth in a perfect “o” all the while. Their eyes locked as they spilled over into their orgasms together. Sweet sounds of pleasure bubbled from Remus, whereas Sirius was mainly silent, his hands all over Remus like he was going to disappear any second. Sirius fell limply to the floor beside his parabatai, a wave of satisfied exhaustion washing over him and settling in his bones. 

“Mooney,” Sirius murmured in Remus’s ear. “Wanna go to the bed?” Sirus and Remus were laying together in a sweet silence, both feeling the post-orgasm happiness. Sirius snorted, realizing that they were, in fact, still on the rug. Remus murmured agreement, but made no move to get up. Sirius sighed and pushed himself off the floor. Remus watched contentedly as James’s little butt wiggled away from him, returning with a small towel.

“Pervert,” He grunted, offering Remus a hand. Remus took it gladly and stood on his tiptoes to kiss the top of Sirius’s head.

“You love it,” he retorted, as Sirius wiped his own cum from Remus’s upper body. He stuck his tongue out as Remus took the towel and did the same for him. Sirius went over to the bed, pulling the covers back and crawling into the far side. Remus dumped the dirty towel in the bathroom and came back to a sleepy Sirius. He got in and pulled the blanket over them, gathering Sirius’s body to him, an arm draping easily over him. He placed a soft kiss to Sirius’s neck and Sirius wriggled, kicking out involuntarily.

“So that’s why you topped,” Remus chuckled. He was ticklish , Remus thought gleefully. Sirius smacked his arm lightly beneath the covers, before pressing back into Remus’s comforting presence. Remus buried his face in Sirius’s neck, closing his eyes and inhaling deeply, smelling the familiar smell of rosemary and other woodish scents that lingered on Sirius’s skin. Remus fell asleep to the reassuring rise and fall of Sirius’s chest, his steady heartbeat syncing with Remus’s own.


End file.
